I think what most amazes me about this contry is the big contrasts, rich and poor, polished and shabby, fake and genuine. I feel homesick today, and longing for something fresh and natural - rain, mountains, nature, wild gardens, my friends and family back home.
Shiny happy people?
We are here going through the motions, living the good life in many ways, and I am grateful, there are so many places that I am glad I didn´t have to go to because of my husbands work. Sometimes the melancoly just sets in and I wish I was somewhere else.
It goes up and down, round and round
We went to the beach in the weekend, it was great, so different from the city, it felt like we were travelling somewhere in asia or latin-america :) So one really good thing about being here is that you can experience different worlds in short distances, and we can choose what we want to be a part of.
Escape to a different world
I do appreciate the contrasts as it makes me reflect on my attitudes and values, I have become a lot more interested in economics and are trying to learn more about the political system here.
Different from home
This is of course the beauty of travelling and living abroad, you are out of your own element and have to make sense of the world around you in a new way - you don´t know the codes and you see things as a mix of from the outside and from the inside. It is liberating in one way and frustrating in another!
The title was what the movie I watched on Saturday promised to explain so we were intrigued and watched it - specially since they promised the answer as well! That was a tall order I thought.
The movie was called "I am" as that was one of the answers to the question the filmmaker made to a lot of people "what´s wrong with the world today?". Basically most of us are the problem, the way we live is not sustainable, we take more than we need, we have a society here in the west based on greed. It is not nice.
Coming from the little safe world of Scandinavia where everybody have it more or less OK and there is not so much poverty it is a bit of a change moving to America where you see the differences much more. It looks like a poor third world country in some areas and then you have extreme riches and massive houses not far away. It is also in a way accepted that this is the way it is, I have noticed that I am starting to get used to seeing only black and latinos taking the bus and walking by the highway while all the white people drive their massive cars to their fenced in gated communities where everything is picture perfect Stepford wifey style houses and gardens.
The movie talks about what motivates us and what makes us happy - a question that I have been thinking a lot about lately - as I now feel pretty much on the top of the Maslows pyramid of needs. I have achieved everything I want in life so far and are able to develop further myself in what I am interested in, studying, languages, travelling while taking care of my little daughter. Despite of this I don´t walk around in exhilarating happiness with bounce in my step everyday. I am even skinny by nature so that would in most women's worlds apparently be the sole way to happiness and no more sorrows whatsoever. Don´t get me wrong, I am not unhappy, I am just at the stage of "happy ever after" and - what now? I am not done, and still have desires and wants.
The guy in the film did the American dream, got successful in the movie industry and earned a lot of money and bought big houses and expensive cars. But still felt there were something missing with the meaning of life. So he set out to find it by asking different scientists, writers and famous people about this.
One main thing the movie states is that we don't become more happy by having more money or things once the basic needs are covered.
Oh, it's a mystery to me. We have a greed with which we have agreed. And you think you have to want more than you need. Until you have it all you won't be free ...
Then they talk about in the film that the essential nature of humans is actually both to cooperate and to compete, not only what Darwin is known for mainly "the survival of the fittest" - I think that is very highly focus on that here in America. You have to be the best at what you do. I heard a Norwegian that lived in New York reacted on a mom that shouted to her kid running and playing in the park "don´t be a follower - be a leader!" To a kid that is playing! To a Norwegian that is very weird way of behaving, in Norway we don´t even have grades in school until they are around 13 to avoid having this competitiveness in school.
We have it in our nature that we get elevated and our body reacts with good feelings when we help others and feel compassion, all the strong feelings that can come from a major event like September 11 actually affects electronic equipment that generates numbers automatically! Sounds weird but their point was that we send out signals with our body that affect others around us - I can understand that when it comes to attraction etc at least.
They say in the movie (in a slightly Hippie way) that everything is connected, we affect each other with our actions, our attitudes, and if we want to change the world we of course have to start with ourselves and if many enough do the little things it actually affects the society around us. "The sea is only drops of water that have come together." - Desmond Tutu
This song was also played in the movie - a new favourite:
There ain't no reason things are this way.
Its how they always been and they intend to stay.
I can't explain why we live this way, we do it everyday.
Preachers on the podium speakin' to saints..
Paupers on the sidewalk beggin' for change,
Old ladies laughing from the fire escape, cursing my name.
I got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same,
A window and a pigeon with a broken wing,
You can spend your whole life workin' for something
Just to have it taken away.
People walk around pushing back their debts,
Wearing pay checks like necklaces and bracelets,
Talking 'bout nothing, not thinking 'bout death,
Every little heartbeat, every little breath.
People walk a tight rope on a razors edge
Carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons.
It could be a bomb or a bullet or a pen
Or a thought or a word or a sentence.
There Ain't no reason things are this way.
It's how they always been and they intend to stay
I don't know why I say the things I say, but I say them anyway.
But love will come set me free
Love will come set me free,I do believe
Love will come set me free, I know it will
Love will come set me free, yes.
Prison walls still standing tall,
Some things never change at all.
Keep on buildin' prisons, gonna fill them all,
Keep on buildin' bombs, gonna drop them all.
The wind blows wild and I may move,
The politicians lie and I am not fooled.
You don't need no reason or a three piece suit to argue the truth.
The air on my skin and the world under my toes,
Slavery stitched into the fabric of my clothes,
Chaos and commotion wherever I go, love I try to follow.
Love will come set me free
Love will come set me free, I do believe
Love will come set me free, I know it will
Love will come set me free, yes.
There ain't no reason things are this way
It's how they always been and they intend to stay
I can't explain why we live this way, we do it everyday.
So - the film was thought provoking in a way - we all know this stuff, but it is nice to be reminded, it is a bit cheesy love & peace like, but still OK to watch.
I will try to remind myself that I don´t have to want more than I need, that the way I act matters, even the small things, and that we need to be good to each other and work against what is wrong and towards what is right for everybody - which ultimately will benefit ourselves.
“Be the change you want to see in the world.” - Gandhi
One final thoguht - if people were not so poor here in America you wouldn´t have to be so afraid of your family and property and wouldn't need so much guns and fences..
Thought this quote was good for what I currently are struggling with: Time. We never have enough time. It is always something we didn't manage to do because of lack of time. However the thing is that we will never get more time, it is how we use the hours in the day that matters.
There are so many nice quotes out there that try to tell us how to think and live our life, but it is really hard to follow all these wise words and be the person we want to be - why is that? Why do we always find a excuse?
"Time is enough for those who use it"
"Each task takes the time you have available"
No matter how many times I have thought that when I have more time - then I'll do all the things that I feel guilty of not doing now. The problem is that that time never actually comes. At the moment when I am on maternity leave I do have the time - and I still don't manage to use it the way I want. I can also sleep pretty much as long as I want as my baby sleeps well - however I am still tired when I get up. Imagine that. All those days I struggled to get up and get to work and got home tired without the energy to do housework - and just dreamed of this time when I would be so happy and have so much sleep and time. Well - as you understand, I am still tired in the mornings and housework is still boring and being postponed as much as possible.
It is so strange that we get more done when we have more to do, how different a day or even an hour can be if you are efficient and in the mood. I think many of us love to read in magazines about how to become more efficient and how to have a less cluttered home etc, when it really isn't so complicated - a little bit of structure in your day goes a long way, and then you basically just have to do it. No postponing or procrastinating, no excuses, we just have to be strict with ourselves and get things done. It feels great afterwards, you feel a sense of achievement, get confidence and feel good about yourself, until next time when you just can't be bothered.. and we are back to start. Get motivated - and just get on with it - it doesn't go away.
Another thing that is driving me a bit crazy at the moment is that how we constantly seek something else than what we got. We will never be 100% happy I think, only in small glints when we have the ability to stop and say - all is good! We will always struggle to get more thing, to do more things with our life - and this is the way the world goes forward. This quote says a lot I think:
"We travel,
some of us forever,
to seek other states,
other lives,
other souls."
Anais Nin
But how do you know when to say stop? When is the limit for what you can expect? If you have achieved everything you wanted in life - but then you want to rock the boat and break out of all the familiar things and on the way disrupt others life on your way? Is that good? Is the fact that you are not happy something within yourself or is it the people around your's fault? How do you make that distinction?
I am thinking especially about divorces and so on - suddenly I experience people around me breaking up their marriages, kids, house and all - it is really sad and I can't help but wonder if it is this constant search for something else, something better that makes it happen. Relationships just gets more complicated the older you get. Nothing is straight forward and easy - the right from the wrongs can be difficult to see sometimes.
When do you know that the life you have now is not good enough? How do you know it will get any better? Love and passion are strong feelings and can't be ignored, but they can be controlled to a certain point, then again that might not be too healthy. I just don't know. You only live once, and are responsible for your own happiness, nobody else can tell you how to live your life. We have to make our choices and take the consequences we get.
I recently finished reading Anais Nin's book about Henry and June, a very passionate book about Anais and her lovers. She is hedonistic in that sense of taking what she wants of love and trying to live her life based on her passion and urges without letting the normal conventions of marriage and monogamy keeping her down.
It seems 'easy' but then again she is not without guilt and struggling with her actions and feelings, and what are the reasons behind how she behaves?
In many cases the way we act derives from childhood, isn't it incredible how much that shapes your life? From how your love life is to if you become a criminal or not. People who have eating disorders or OCD tend to have some things in their background shaping their behavior. It is scary - especially now that I am a parent myself, how my actions will affect my little girl in her future.
Yesterday I was visiting my parents, my father is a very no nonsense kind of guy, and I think that is good, sometimes we use too much time worrying and dwelling on things, instead of just getting on with things. If I as a mother let my daughter get worried and scared of small things she will be - maybe more than what she needs. I want her to be a confident and social strong person, and the only way to do that is to let her try out things. Our confidence grows when we do things we don't really dare, and our world gets bigger if we let it. I want her to be a strong woman that doesn't have to take of her clothes to get noticed and feel valued. I hope she will be wise and have self-respect and a good self-esteem and I will do my best to give her what she needs.
Oh how the mind wanders :) So to conclude? Well, we'll never have more time than what we have, it is what we do with our time that matters. Our life is what we make of it, we are ourselves responsible for our happiness but it get somewhat shaped by our background and environment - and basically:
Til dere som tenker at likestilling vil si at kvinner skal være som menn - hva er da poenget med kvotering? Hele poenget med at det skal være en blanding av kvinner og menn er jo nettopp at vi er forskjellige, vi ser ting på forskjellige måter, vi har ulike egenskaper i kraft av vårt kjønn. Vi skal bruke disse egenskapene til det felles beste - ingen nyskapning skjer når alle tenker likt! Dette er bakgrunnen for bedrifter som ønsker fokus på både likestilling og at man skal ha ansatte fra ulike kulturer. Det må være lov for kvinner å være interessert i å bake og ha det fint rundt seg uten at man dermed motarbeider feminisme, å være feminin er ikke å være i mot likestilling.
Jeg for min del fikk en aha opplevelse da jeg var på et kurs i regi av jobben om kvinner i arbeidslivet. Tidligere var det jo gjerne slik at kvinner måtte oppføre seg som menn for å kunne klatre i jobben, de var tøffe og harde Thatcher damer. Kledde seg som menn og snakket som menn. Dette virker jo egentlig mot sin hensikt, hva er da poenget med kvinner i ledelsen om de likevel oppfører seg som menn?
Kvinner er typisk sterke på samarbeid og er gode med kommunikasjon, empati og forstår følelser, man presser ikke gjennom ting, men man samarbeider og kommer frem til et gjensidig ønske om å utrette noe. Samfunnet nå er også et mer kunnskaps og informasjonsbasert samfunn, nettverk erstatter hierakiene og dermed er de typiske feminine verdiene viktigere - både for menn og kvinner.
For meg ble disse kunnskapene frigjørende, jeg hadde til da hatt en ganske 'maskulin' kvinnelig sjef og tenkte at det var tydligvis slik det måtte gjøres for å bli sjef i dette firmaet, og hadde tenkt at jeg var for snill og lite tøff. Etter denne dagen følte jeg derimot at det var nettopp på grunn av mine 'myke' verdier jeg faktisk var god, jeg er god til å snakke med mine kollegaer, skape et godt miljø, har empati og forståelse, det er ikke dermed sagt at jeg godtar at folk ikke gjør jobben sin, men jeg vil helst at folk skal ha lyst å gjøre jobben sin, ikke på grunn av at jeg sier hva de skal gjøre. Jeg fikk til og med en tilbakemelding fra samme sjef om at jeg jeg kan være tøff men på en smidig måte og det er jo forsåvidt greit :)
Forøvrig har jeg ikke turt å skrive at jeg er femininst i bio'en min på tvitter nettopp på grunn av alle de negative stigmaene knyttet opp mot dette ordet, for eksempel at man automatisk er mannehatende Ottar dame om man er feminist. Min forståelse av ordet er positiv - men føler kanskje jeg ikke vet nok om det eller har gjort meg fortjent til å kunne definere meg som feminist, derfor har jeg skrevet at jeg er opptatt av det - og ønsker å lære mer, derfor har jeg nå gått til innkjøp av den ganske tykke boken til Simon de Beauvoir - Det annet kjønn, så skal lære meg mer slik at jeg kan få en bedre forståelse!
Det er mange meninger og mye mer som kunne vært sagt om dette temaet men ville bare få fram et par poeng og til slutt si at jeg har det fantastisk bra som kvinne i Norge - har fått utdannelse, spennende jobb og har en mann som tar mer enn sin del av husarbeidet, takk til alle kvinner og menn før min tid som har gjort det mulig for meg å ha det så bra som jeg har det i dag! :)
From my previous experiences living abroad I have my diaries, and it
was drama and stuff happening all the time. It might have to do with me
just becoming single after a seven year relationship but also the fact
that when you are abroad you are more open to new people and new
experiences. I really had so many things that happened during my years
abroad that has changed me and has affected how I live today. I would
never have the job I have if I didn't have some sort of international
experience and got mature by the way you do when you see yourself and
your society from the outside. I would never have married the amazing
man I did if we didn't happen to meet in that little town in the UK. It
is scary to think how much in our life is due to happy incidents -
serendipity!
Here are some thoughts from an Englishman in Norway - it explains pretty well the differences between the two countries. I thought we had a more similar culture than we actually had, even if it was an easy country to live abroad in. It was a bigger challenges to live in Hungary, I was working late nights in a stressful job and with a totally unknown language. I will never forget the time that me and my Turkish friend were trying to mime 'egg' in a grocery shop - believe me, not easy! I think what I struggled most with in Budapest was that I didn't know what was going on around me, suddenly there was a big demonstration or a festival in the town centre and I had no idea, there were a English newsletter but that didn't capture many things, only general expat stuff.
The language thing will be easier now that we are moving to the US, my husband got transferred with work, he has gotten his dream job so it is very nice for him! I will just be a 'desperate housewife' for one more year, even if I could work if I wanted to, we work for the same international company that has many offices in Houston, but we want to see how we like it, and when I just take an extended leave with my job we can come back easier.
We will also keep the house in Norway, we have now lived here since 2006 and I don't know where the time went! It goes so quickly, OK we have bought and renovated a house, gotten married, travelled and had a baby - pretty decent I guess, and of course both of us have had good jobs that we have enjoyed and gotten promoted in. Can't complain really - the life is pretty good at the moment. I really just need to focus on that and try to enjoy the moment more, and that is something that I know I will do when we move abroad - have more focus on experiences and enjoy life!
One thing that I have been getting really into these days are various social media, from Tumblr, Path, Twitter to the newest fun thing - Pinterest! It is brilliant as now I am using various computers and are planning to buy a new one so all my favorite pictures and links can be stored there, it is a online bookmark and folder tool that is shared with others and you get inspiration from what others pin as well. I thought that it seemed quite unnecessary at first as I have plenty of accounts now and feel like my online life is soon living its own life! I've had a clean up and hope I have somewhat control, as mentioned before I like to keep my life a bit separate for different purposes.
So my Twitter account is linked to my Pinterest account now, I posted a tweet today about an interesting article that I found on Pinterest - it explains why it is so popular even if we have all these other Social Media to keep us occupied, has something to do with that we show who we want to be - not who we are trying to be perceived as via Facebook or Twitter.
