Time, life & the search for happiness

Image from http://quotediary.me/

Thought this quote was good for what I currently are struggling with: Time. We never have enough time. It is always something we didn't manage to do because of lack of time. However the thing is that we will never get more time, it is how we use the hours in the day that matters. 


There are so many nice quotes out there that try to tell us how to think and live our life, but it is really hard to follow all these wise words and be the person we want to be - why is that? Why do we always find a excuse?

"Time is enough for those who use it"

"Each task takes the time you have available"

No matter how many times I have thought that when I have more time - then I'll do all the things that I feel guilty of not doing now. The problem is that that time never actually comes. At the moment when I am on maternity leave I do have the time - and I still don't manage to use it the way I want. I can also sleep pretty much as long as I want as my baby sleeps well - however I am still tired when I get up. Imagine that. All those days I struggled to get up and get to work and got home tired without the energy to do housework - and just dreamed of this time when I would be so happy and have so much sleep and time. Well - as you understand, I am still tired in the mornings and housework is still boring and being postponed as much as possible.

It is so strange that we get more done when we have more to do, how different a day or even an hour can be if you are efficient and in the mood. I think many of us love to read in magazines about how to become more efficient and how to have a less cluttered home etc, when it really isn't so complicated - a little bit of structure in your day goes a long way, and then you basically just have to do it. No postponing or procrastinating, no excuses, we just have to be strict with ourselves and get things done. It feels great afterwards, you feel a sense of achievement, get confidence and feel good about yourself, until next time when you just can't be bothered.. and we are back to start. Get motivated - and just get on with it - it doesn't go away.

Another thing that is driving me a bit crazy at the moment is that how we constantly seek something else than what we got. We will never be 100% happy I think, only in small glints when we have the ability to stop and say - all is good! We will always struggle to get more thing, to do more things with our life - and this is the way the world goes forward. This quote says a lot I think:

"We travel, 

some of us forever, 

to seek other states, 

other lives, 

other souls." 

Anais Nin

But how do you know when to say stop? When is the limit for what you can expect? If you have achieved everything you wanted in life - but then you want to rock the boat and break out of all the familiar things and on the way disrupt others life on your way? Is that good? Is the fact that you are not happy something within yourself or is it the people around your's fault? How do you make that distinction?

I am thinking especially about divorces and so on - suddenly I experience people around me breaking up their marriages, kids, house and all - it is really sad and I can't help but wonder if it is this constant search for something else, something better that makes it happen. Relationships just gets more complicated the older you get. Nothing is straight forward and easy - the right from the wrongs can be difficult to see sometimes.

When do you know that the life you have now is not good enough? How do you know it will get any better? Love and passion are strong feelings and can't be ignored, but they can be controlled to a certain point, then again that might not be too healthy. I just don't know. You only live once, and are responsible for your own happiness, nobody else can tell you how to live your life.  We have to make our choices and take the consequences we get.

I recently finished reading Anais Nin's book about Henry and June, a very passionate book about Anais and her lovers. She is hedonistic in that sense of taking what she wants of love and trying to live her life based on her passion and urges without letting the normal conventions of marriage and monogamy keeping her down.
It seems 'easy' but then again she is not without guilt and struggling with her actions and feelings, and what are the reasons behind how she behaves?

In many cases the way we act derives from childhood, isn't it incredible how much that shapes your life? From how your love life is to if you become a criminal or not. People who have eating disorders or OCD tend to have some things in their background shaping their behavior. It is scary - especially now that I am a parent myself, how my actions will affect my little girl in her future.

Yesterday I was visiting my parents, my father is a very no nonsense kind of guy, and I think that is good, sometimes we use too much time worrying and dwelling on things, instead of just getting on with things. If I as a mother let my daughter get worried and scared of small things she will be - maybe more than what she needs. I want her to be a confident and social strong person, and the only way to do that is to let her try out things. Our confidence grows when we do things we don't really dare, and our world gets bigger if we let it. I want her to be a strong woman that doesn't have to take of her clothes to get noticed and feel valued. I hope she will be wise and have self-respect and a good self-esteem and I will do my best to give her what she needs.

Oh how the mind wanders :) So to conclude? Well, we'll never have more time than what we have, it is what we do with our time that matters. Our life is what we make of it, we are ourselves responsible for our happiness but it get somewhat shaped by our background and environment - and basically:

Image from Holstee

Likestilling, feminisme og sånn

Til dere som tenker at likestilling vil si at kvinner skal være som menn - hva er da poenget med kvotering? Hele poenget med at det skal være en blanding av kvinner og menn er jo nettopp at vi er forskjellige, vi ser ting på forskjellige måter, vi har ulike egenskaper i kraft av vårt kjønn. Vi skal bruke disse egenskapene til det felles beste - ingen nyskapning skjer når alle tenker likt! Dette er bakgrunnen for bedrifter som ønsker fokus på både likestilling og at man skal ha ansatte fra ulike kulturer. Det må være lov for kvinner å være interessert i å bake og ha det fint rundt seg uten at man dermed motarbeider feminisme, å være feminin er ikke å være i mot likestilling.

Bilde fra Pinterest

Jeg for min del fikk en aha opplevelse da jeg var på et kurs i regi av jobben om kvinner i arbeidslivet. Tidligere var det jo gjerne slik at kvinner måtte oppføre seg som menn for å kunne klatre i jobben, de var tøffe og harde Thatcher damer. Kledde seg som menn og snakket som menn. Dette virker jo egentlig mot sin hensikt, hva er da poenget med kvinner i ledelsen om de likevel oppfører seg som menn?

Kvinner er typisk sterke på samarbeid og er gode med kommunikasjon, empati og forstår følelser, man presser ikke gjennom ting, men man samarbeider og kommer frem til et gjensidig ønske om å utrette noe. Samfunnet nå er også et mer kunnskaps og informasjonsbasert samfunn, nettverk erstatter hierakiene og dermed er de typiske feminine verdiene viktigere - både for menn og kvinner.

For meg ble disse kunnskapene frigjørende, jeg hadde til da hatt en ganske 'maskulin' kvinnelig sjef og tenkte at det var tydligvis slik det måtte gjøres for å bli sjef i dette firmaet, og hadde tenkt at jeg var for snill og lite tøff. Etter denne dagen følte jeg derimot at det var nettopp på grunn av mine 'myke' verdier jeg faktisk var god, jeg er god til å snakke med mine kollegaer, skape et godt miljø, har empati og forståelse, det er ikke dermed sagt at jeg godtar at folk ikke gjør jobben sin, men jeg vil helst at folk skal ha lyst å gjøre jobben sin, ikke på grunn av at jeg sier hva de skal gjøre. Jeg fikk til og med en tilbakemelding fra samme sjef om at jeg jeg kan være tøff men på en smidig måte og det er jo forsåvidt greit :)

Les mer om dette i denne artikkelen: When women lead

Forøvrig har jeg ikke turt å skrive at jeg er femininst i bio'en min på tvitter nettopp på grunn av alle de negative stigmaene knyttet opp mot dette ordet, for eksempel at man automatisk er mannehatende Ottar dame om man er feminist. Min forståelse av ordet er positiv - men føler kanskje jeg ikke vet nok om det eller har gjort meg fortjent til å kunne definere meg som feminist, derfor har jeg skrevet at jeg er opptatt av det - og ønsker å lære mer, derfor har jeg nå gått til innkjøp av den ganske tykke boken til Simon de Beauvoir - Det annet kjønn, så skal lære meg mer slik at jeg kan få en bedre forståelse!

Det er mange meninger og mye mer som kunne vært sagt om dette temaet men ville bare få fram et par poeng og til slutt si at jeg har det fantastisk bra som kvinne i Norge - har fått utdannelse, spennende jobb og har en mann som tar mer enn sin del av husarbeidet, takk til alle kvinner og menn før min tid som har gjort det mulig for meg å ha det så bra som jeg har det i dag! :)